22/10/12 Final

This may be final post in this blog.

So much has happened to me over this course of the year, some good and some not so good. At the end of it all I have broken and it will be a while before I can pick up all the pieces, it will be a while before I will be able to find myself again.

8/10/12 Happy?

What does it take to be happy? I know what it takes but it all seems so impossible right now. Back to pretending anything and everything is okay with this fake smile on my face. That, I know is something I am good at.

5/9/12 Dream

I woke up this morning with a vivid dream in my head. Somehow I had the ability to go back in time, however, I only used it to go back and fix all the mistakes that I made with Zoe but to no avail, the outcome ended up the same. There was nothing I could do. In the end she ended up with someone much more deserving than myself. Finally, I kissed her hand and wished her all the happiness in the world.  Whilst, I was tremendously sad that I had to let her go, more than anything, her happiness, her smile was all that was important to me.

Personally I find dreams to be the key to our most inner desires. Always I find that I am, just sitting there watching a dream play out, something like a movie. I have no control of my actions, what really only happens would be if I was in the same given situation. 

At the end of the day... I am still doing what I can, I would still give up everything that I know and everything that I have.

3/9/12 Fathers Day

And so... Happy Father's Day.

It was that time again, it was Fathers's Day. Like usual with any festive event, we had the family dinner and catch up with the family with the addition of a few new faces - Louis is here every other weekend, and Pam is our new homestay student (for how long, no idea). It was a nice night, I was glad to see what Peter (nephew) was up to, it sounds like he has got some big aspirations, he just finished high school last year and is working out what he wants to do. I was rather concerned before because I was beginning to think he was hanging out with the wrong crowd but I guess it was just a phase. Ali (niece) reached the Grand Final of her basketball comp, will have to ask how the game goes and finally Rodney (brother) is considering buying a place in the Geelong area, about time he got that sorted... tough to continuously pay rent.

Now back to Dad... I do worry about him, for instance today he felt like was going to fall while we did some yard work together. However, He is starting to ask for help now. Still has been rather frustrated as of late but asking for help. Also... his hands are 'slowly' getting better, still have doubts he will get back the what they were but as long as they get to a point where he manage better than he is now.

Night Lamp
"Sesame Street" Happy Birthday 

On a random note it was rather hard... but I got finally rid of my good old Night Lamp, been many years since I have actually used it but it always lit up my room since I was small. Unfortunately, there comes a time where you need to let things go. Bye Bye Night Lamp. 

28/8/12 Past

The past is the past, the present is the present and the future is the future. I made so many mistakes in the past and I have no doubt that I will continue to make them. I have been seriously thinking about my future and a future without you in it, is something I don't want. Like I said before, I know the right one is worth waiting for and... I will wait. A day doesn't go by that I am not thinking of you, whenever I get a phone message I always hope its you.

My present is simply, to make our future a reality, you are still and will always be my world. I just hope you still see a future of us together, that is what I am clinging to. No matter what it takes, no mater how long it takes. Time is irrelevant.

24/8/12 Limitations

There are no limits. There is nothing you can't do if you put in everything you have got. If are you are willing to put in all the hard work and earn it, who is to say you can't do it? No one. Everything worth doing is hard, if it was easy everyone would be doing it. The only thing that separates those who are successful and there who aren't, is simply those who are willing to what needs to be done.

22/8/12 Difficulty

Everything is starting to get much harder for my Father. He hit 76 years old this year and now he is plagued by various problems, one of which making things much more difficult - he is having trouble opening and closing both hands. After various trips to the doctors and specialists to try and figure it out, we still are not 100% sure what is it. Currently he is on a number of pills and creams that supposedly help the condition, a few new ones he picked up yesterday. Although I can't see too much of a difference, he says there is - IMO I think he is being a little too optimistic... I do hope I am wrong in this regard.

Dad is a wonderful person who takes pride in doing things by himself although he has always been willing to lend a helping hand if able. That, I feel I picked up from him. However, nowadays, things have only gotten harder and will continue to do so but he still he unwilling to ask for help and as a result he is just getting increasing frustrated with himself, which at times lashes out to my Mother and myself. I hope he is beginning to realise he isn't as young as he used to be, and there will are times where he just needs a hand.

Sometimes things that were will never be.

19/8/12 Engagement

Special Couple Nick and Chihiro

It was a wonderful Engagement Party, held at Royal Saxon in Church Street. I was surprised to find such a nice hideaway on such a busy road. Must admit, Nick taste is great. I made a point to make sure I would arrive a little late because I wouldn't know anyone which proved to be true but Nick was kind enough to introduce me to a few people who kept me company till Chris and Cindy arrived. Who knew Nick has a brother? Not Me! Had a great chat with him, he actually used to live near me... in the "shield" What is the Shield? Well, I didn't know about it till last night either, the shield is a residential area in Glen Waverley that has every street named from places or people from Camelot. I have to head down there when I get a spare moment. On another note, he directed me to "Setto Bello", a nearby Italian restaurant that will be the next destination for Willie and myself. However, more than anything, I was surprised that he believed that I would make something of myself not to mention the chat made me more hopeful of landing a decent job when I graduate.

THE SHIELD
Notice all the surrounding places have similar medieval names

Additionally, he highlighted the fact that the "right girl" was worth waiting for. On this point I have only now recognised that I have been really stupid. I keep saying I will do anything for Zoe but clearly not getting myself sorted, making myself better and waiting wasn't on that list. How did my resolve falter so much? These times of weakness make me feel so ashamed. Last night opened my eyes. It may have been a month since I have last seen her but despite this, everyday I still think of her and every time she still makes my heart beat faster. I do love her, my post the other day in itself was foolish. If I love her as much as I say I do... then I will wait and do whatever I need to. I just hope she hasn't given up on me.

Back to the party... The amount of Western to Asian couples that I saw that last night was rather hard to believe. Perhaps its just Nick and Chihiro's group of friends but even so, I was amazed! I even joking said that "Nick has joined the club", or least he will officially next year when they tie the knot.

Also, I was surprised to find out that Shaun was going to make an appearance and I made a point to stay a little longer so I could catch up with him. That young man used to me my martial arts instructor and  my school teacher before I changed courses. It is hard to believe what he has achieved and what he has achieved despite having a full plate.... that is... 5 kids, course coordinator in addition to starting up a blog/ business, he is clearly a testament of what can be done if you set your mind to it both physically and mentally. Sadly I don't get to see this inspirational man as much as I used to but when I do, I try to make it count.

All in All it was a great night and I wish Nick and Chihiro the best.