22/8/12 Difficulty

Everything is starting to get much harder for my Father. He hit 76 years old this year and now he is plagued by various problems, one of which making things much more difficult - he is having trouble opening and closing both hands. After various trips to the doctors and specialists to try and figure it out, we still are not 100% sure what is it. Currently he is on a number of pills and creams that supposedly help the condition, a few new ones he picked up yesterday. Although I can't see too much of a difference, he says there is - IMO I think he is being a little too optimistic... I do hope I am wrong in this regard.

Dad is a wonderful person who takes pride in doing things by himself although he has always been willing to lend a helping hand if able. That, I feel I picked up from him. However, nowadays, things have only gotten harder and will continue to do so but he still he unwilling to ask for help and as a result he is just getting increasing frustrated with himself, which at times lashes out to my Mother and myself. I hope he is beginning to realise he isn't as young as he used to be, and there will are times where he just needs a hand.

Sometimes things that were will never be.

8/8/12 Ignorance

Sometimes I say before I think, I have noticed that there are times I just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind without any regard to what others are going through. Again, I made that mistake.I belittled how hard you are working. Its no excuse I didn't know the extent of your situation, you never told me. I wish to apologise but the damage has been done. I do hope everything we did speak of before is still valid. It is something I am clinging to, no matter how small or little chance it may be.

3/8/12 Distractions

Since that a few weeks ago, I have constantly been trying to distract myself and keep myself occupied. Training, School and Work is what I have been doing with a majority of my time. The first of which is good, with the whole release of endorphins (making me happy.. temporarily). School is well just school and work is what I dread.... 8 hours left alone to wonder in my thoughts. Things have been far from easy as of late and I have not sure when they are going to get any easier. Feelings are truly the bane and the joy of the life. Why must everything be so complicated? Is it too much for everything to be simple as it was before?

2/4/12 Relapse

Way to go Victor.
Love my Self-esteem.

Congratulations on wrecking her morning and put a tarnish on the rest of the day. Whats wrong with me? Do I really let my feelings of inadequacy spoil the precious time I had with Zoe? Yes I did. Wow. Jerk much? Can't even explain what happened, felt like someone just flipped the "not-good-enough switch". To think her happiness means everything to me and I just went there and stomped on it. She saw the negative side of me today... now all I can think about is what damage I have done to us. Will she forgive me? Am I thinking too much? Don't I always. There's another good habit. I remember someone saying that "Discipline is remembering what you want." What I said a long time ago still stands, I want to be with her forever.

Need to man up and get hold myself. You are better than this. Stop with the talk and do something about it Victor. All you have to do is be the person you always wish to be, the person that you are capable of. Is it that hard? All you have to do is listen to yourself. You know what is right. You know what you have to do. Just get out there and do the DAMN thing.

7/3/12 No gym time

It got to today till I realized that having commitments is hard especially if you have these commitments with a friend also. It was so easy during the holidays when both of us had no plans, nothing to worry about but since then... he started work and I started school again. Either we have to work around it or we won't go... the last has proved true lately. I know for sure that myself, that I am not where I need to be and I really want to get there but am I all talk? I sincerely hope not. I know what I need to do and, as I have said before, I just need to get out there and do the damn thing.

On a completely other note... Big shout out to my girl ZOE...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Sadly I couldn't be with you today but as you know our weekend will be something very special. I will do everything I can to make it as perfect as possible. How can you be in my thoughts all the time I just don't understand it. Every time we are apart, I just have you in my mind... all I want is you. All the time... now and forever.

2/3/12 Rainy day

Like the t-shirt says, I know I am crying over something rather unimportant and I know there are people out there having a far worse time that myself. For this reason I really complain about anything, just think there are people in other countries heck even this country that are lacking the basic necessities of life that we all just take for granted yet we have the nerve to complain at the most unimportant things. With all this said, I have just felt today is just one bad thing after another, everything just seems to be suffocating me. Even on this blog I don't feel entirely comfortable writing about these particular issues that have plagued my day... but things can only go so wrong before they turn the other way right?

Well I am just hanging out till that happens. Tomorrow will be my day... maybe.

28/2/12 Uneventful

Yet another day gone past, another day wasted. I need to wake up and stop being a kid.

15/2/12 One of those days

Went to visit my course adisor today to confirm that I had planned out my subjects correctly and low and behold I had. I was slightly worried when I went gone in but really thinking back I had a spent a lot of time trying to get it all correct and it was a relief he thoguht so to. So... my projected course will end at T2 of 2013, although I can finish as early as T1 of the same year if I opt to study 4 subjects opposed to 3. I will thnk it over for the time being, really depends on my circumstances later on.

Completely off topic it didn't come! I was kind of happy... I ordered a pair of really nice pillows of "Catchoftheday" and supposedly they were sitting at the Post office for pick up. So what do I do? I head down in peak hour to pick them up. Wait there for 15 minutes. Find out they can't FIND them and them go home. There goes about an hour of my day, just because I went to make a special trip to pick up my pillows. *sigh*. It is kind of amusing to think when we waste our time doing various useless things or actives we couldn't care less but when someone screws us over or wastes our time be it intentional or not, we get rather upset. There is some food for thought.

7/2/12 Day 2

Hit the gym for the second time today, was a little frustrated though... my friend kept my waiting for an extra hour longer than I would've if I had otherwise gone myself. However, I believe I will continue to enjoy helping him out in the future and it will all be worth it. Actually wrote what we did down on paper today as in the weight and difficulty of each of the sets. I did say last session was gauging but this session we got it written down. Next session will really be the start of it all. On a random note, had some tuna for the first time in ages and I was surprised I liked it. Note to self make sure I get my hands on more.

Damn it Deakin! Why is it so difficult to get a recommended course guide for my particular course? I would have my timetable set already if I had done so. With this said, I have pretty much decided to withdraw my overseas application to Japan... I know I really wanted to go but the thing is I don't want to go as much as I did before... Zoe may be part of this sudden change of heart but really its more than that. I guess I wanted the trip so badly because I was lacking direction and focus but I guess these reasons aren't as valid as they were when I first made my application. I know it will be hard, I am going to feel like a total idiot considering how much time and effort people have spent to help me with my application... in a while I feel I will be letting them down but this is the best option. It took me a long time to reaach this point but I feel I have made my decision. One day I will head to Japan and take in the sights but right now, isn't the time.

Priorities first

29/1/12 About time

Where to start? Well I FINALLY got my remainder of my form signed. It has been a long time since I have wanted to get this form signed and its a little scary to know that my application will finally be complete. The thing is that... after all this time I am beginning to wonder if I really want to go now. Things have happened to make me really wonder if what I really should be doing is heading to Japan. Sure I have told everyone already and this doesn't concern me at the end of the day, the question I should be asking myself is that... Should I go?

It was Chinese New Year a couple days ago and I went to China town in Melbourne to check out a little bit of the festivities. Check out below for some of my snap shots... Don't judge me by the quality of the photos, all I had was my photo to take the photos (HTC Incredible S)

I took a 15 minute video of one of the performances... turned out to be 312 MB. So I will just throw the link below, if you are interested feel free to download it. No pressure though but I can assure you it is a great little clip and well worth the watch.

http://www.2shared.com/video/LNWlHRk4/VIDEO0003.html

That was the first part of my day,  second part of my day consisted of a family dinner. Was nice seeing the folks again... we only seem them once a month if we are lucky. Although I was really frustrated for a few reasons am not going to mention. Happy the day is over, tomorrow is a new day with the new challenges. Onward to tomorrow.

25/1/12 How Hard?

Great news... my overseas application is still UNCOMPLETED. How hard is it to get 2 signatures? I swear its almost impossible. Seems like I can say bye bye to the whole study abroad in Japan. What a joke! Short post. Lengthy post tomorrow.

20/1/12 Not my Best day

Had a rather interesting e-mail from someone yesterday. No easy way to say this but in the depth of my well, loneliness I made a profile on a online dating website. On talking terms with someone who made contact with me first, wonder how it all will turn out. Must say I am slightly scared and nervous at the same time. Mixed emotions.

Last night work was terrible. Made so many mistakes it wasn't funny but in the end everyone pulled through and we had plenty of time to spare in the end. I did learn a valuable lesson....

"Do not press the button, hold the button."

Going to bail on a friends 21st tonight. It is something I shouldn't do, but in the interest of saving and making money I have to. I will make sure I make it up to her.

18/1/12 2 signatures? No.

I went to the study abroad office like I mentioned and to my dismay I found out I couldn't get 2 simple signatures because he wasn't in.... Nor could I even see another course adviser because they were all fully booked due to the high school students booking all the course advisers out! It was extremely frustrating, here I am at the reception for my faculty trying to get 2 signatures to allow me to complete my application. Only 2! Appears it will be done tomorrow morning, how disappointing.

13/1/12 Catching Up

All I seem to be writing is about is my inability to do things I set out to do for the day. Someday this is going to change but then again today is some day why can't it be today? Today is almost over that is why, but tomorrow is yet to begin and it promises so much.

Didn't get up to a whole lot today, went out for lunch with a friend of mine. As usual a bit of catch up followed. He is getting on good terms with this girl of his, took me a while to even wrangle a name from him, one of the quiet types. In any case I am rooting rooting for him.

Bit of good news to end the day. For those that don't know I am planning to head to Japan to study in the second half the year. However, right now I am waiting for my selected units to get approved. As I have to apply to two different universities, I have two sets of units to get approved which leads me to my news... Got Ryukoku University (Kyoto) units approved. Just waiting on Kansai Gaidai University (Osaka) now. Once all this fuss is dealt with, I can FINALLY say I completed my Overseas Application... then I can wait for a dreaded approval or rejection of said application.

6/1/12 Frustration

So frustrated. For no apparent reason my phone isn't working. Tried searching for hours on various forums and the OPTUS (my provider) website to no avail. Even tried ringing them up for tech support but nothing! Seems like I will have to go in myself for them to look at it. Going to have to keep it short today. I got my whole to-do list done yesterday. However, I have yet to write the card for my mates wedding I will get it done early tomorrow.

What a terrible weekend this is turning out to be. So very Sad.