4/8/12 Emotions

My mental state hasn't been quite stable the last couple weeks and I know exactly why. Imagine you are head of heels for someone, someone you can already picture the rest of your life with and suddenly they begin to distance themselves from you. Perhaps its something you did, perhaps it was something you didn't do, perhaps there is something you need to do. Been such a long time since I have had a proper talk with her, and I don't know where I stand right now. So many thoughts are running through my head since we went on this 'break' or 'break up'. See even this I am not so clear about, sigh, how can I be so unsure? I wouldn't be surprised if I just lose my mind. She lives so close, yet now it feels so far.Will become no more than a stranger despite everything that has happened? By the same token, am I belittling the strength of our relationship? Can I even call what we have now a relationship? Heck, am I over thinking things?

2/4/12 Relapse

Way to go Victor.
Love my Self-esteem.

Congratulations on wrecking her morning and put a tarnish on the rest of the day. Whats wrong with me? Do I really let my feelings of inadequacy spoil the precious time I had with Zoe? Yes I did. Wow. Jerk much? Can't even explain what happened, felt like someone just flipped the "not-good-enough switch". To think her happiness means everything to me and I just went there and stomped on it. She saw the negative side of me today... now all I can think about is what damage I have done to us. Will she forgive me? Am I thinking too much? Don't I always. There's another good habit. I remember someone saying that "Discipline is remembering what you want." What I said a long time ago still stands, I want to be with her forever.

Need to man up and get hold myself. You are better than this. Stop with the talk and do something about it Victor. All you have to do is be the person you always wish to be, the person that you are capable of. Is it that hard? All you have to do is listen to yourself. You know what is right. You know what you have to do. Just get out there and do the DAMN thing.